|
The
Eternal Question : Why did the chicken cross the road?
by Lawrie Harries (with acknowledgement to Mark Harfield, Brentford
FC)
A
number of top managers and pundits were invited to address this
question and some of their replies are set out below:
Arsene
Wenger
"From my position in the dug-out I did not see the incident clearly,
so I really cannot comment. However, I do think he gets picked on
by opposing fans and players who are obviously chickenphobic."
George
Graham
"I want good solid team chickens who'll cross the road in a straight
line when they're told and how they're told. I've got no time for
prima donna chickens running around aimlessly like headless players
- they're not worth it".
Peter
Reid
"Just cross the ******* road".
Gary
Lineker
"To get to the other side".
John
Gregory
"Two months ago that chicken was saying he was happy to peck the
grass over here. Now he tells me he wants to cross the road. I feel
like shooting him".
Alan
Hansen
"Well you have to look to the positioning of the cars that let the
chicken get so many crosses in."
Kevin
Keegan
"OK so the chicken's dead, but I still feel he can go all the way
to the other side."
Gordon
Strachan
"I'm really proud of that wee fella. Let's face it if he had been
one of the big chickens, everyone would be saying how well he'd
done, but as it's one of the wee chickens it must be luck - and
I bet you won't print this."
Stuart
Hall
"Resplendent in the glorious new plumage of a burgeoning season,
the brave young feathered vertebrate dared to run the gauntlet of
the notorious Northolt Road. "Hit me if you can" he seemed to challenge,
as he took his first few faltering steps, neck nodding, feathers
fanning, as spectators, with bated breath, willed him on. Oh! was
there ever such a magnificent sight in all God's universe?"
Gianluca
Vialli
"When the fish are down, he'll just be one of the chaps. It doesn't
matter if he's an Italian, French or English chicken as long as
he's willing to play for Chelsea. But I'm sure he'll feel tired
after his exertions. We have too many roads for chickens to cross
in England."
Ron
Atkinson
"Spotters badge, Clive. For me, Chicko's popped up at the back stick
early doors, little eyebrows and gone bang! And I tell you what
- I've got a sneaking feeling the road is there to be crossed."
Glenn
Hoddle
"The chicken was hit crossing the road because in a previous life
it had been a bad chicken."
Harry
Redknapp
"It's a hard road to come to. I only had one chicken available and
he was down to the bear bones and not eligible to cross. He didn't
arrive until after a shopping trip to Harvey Nic's and then demanded
a number 10 shirt. On the plus side I thought the young chick Frank
did ever so well."
Ed
Stein
"Well it's like this - this geezer told me Barry Fry had a problem
and when I got there Bazza was ranting and raving about some "animal"
in the middle of the road. 'What's up Baz' I asked 'anyway, mate,
that's not an animal it's a fowl'. 'I don't care if it's a *******
foul or ******* off-side I want him off - and if you can't do the
job get me another pheasant plucker' - at least that's what I thought
he said. 'Calm down mate' I said. Barry wasn't having any of it
'Calm ******* down in this shambles - get hold of the Chairman',
he ordered. You are the Chairman I reminded him. 'Sack the *********
manager then' he told me. 'You are the manager Baz. ' ' *******
**** have I got to do every ******* thing at this Club - there's
too many people counting chickens that's for sure'. (to be continued..)
|
