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Who'd
be a Football Fan? (or - Walking in a Dowie wonderland!)
by Paul Davidson
There
must be something about me that I can't figure out. My distant forefathers
must have included Attilla the Hun and Genghis Khan for the amount
of retribution handed out to me. My problem is football. Not only
am I blessed with supporting Harrow Borough, but also Queens Park
Rangers.
This
is just not fair. No man should have to put up with two lost causes
during the course of a football season. Were either team likely
to win a league or something, it might be a bit easier, but alternating
watching matches of the two clubs can cause something which must
be very similar to clinical depression.
When
one club has a bad result, the other usually follows it by having
an even worse one. When one club has a good result, I am always
watching the other club have a bad one and so on. For example, when
Boro' had that epic 1-0 win at Dagenham last August, I was watching
Rangers get beat 4-0 at Nottingham Forest and when the Boro' had
that great result at Enfield, I was watching QPR get annihilated
3-0 at Middlesborough.
Conversely,
I missed two Rangers away wins whilst watching Boro fall to ignominious
home defeats. This seemed to happen week in week out all season.
Madame Fate must really hate me, which brings me back to the Genghis
Khan theory. I have another theory though, which I think I might
be able to prove.
This
is that QPR and Harrow Borough are the same club operating in parallel
universes! Let's face it, the similarities are too great to be sheer
coincidence. Both teams have quite nice grounds, nothing outstanding,
but still very presentable. Both clubs have had some very dodgy
managers and players in the last few years (although I suppose a
lot of teams have).
Both
clubs, recently at least, seem to permanently end up struggling
against relegation no matter what start they get to the season.
Last year both teams were in the top four at the end of October
and look what happened. Both clubs think that a cup run is winning
through one round. Both clubs are permanently broke with not enough
support, even though they come from heavily populated areas and
finally and probably most importantly, both clubs have had dubious
relationships with the Dowie family (but, crucially, not at the
same time).
Within
a week of Bob Dowie leaving the Boro, his twin brother signs at
QPR. This must be more than a coincidence. Has anyone ever seen
the two of them together I ask? The closest I have come to it was
at Stoke City at the end of last season. Iain was playing (?) for
QPR and at half time I was playfully punched in the stomach outside
the toilets by who I thought was his brother Bob.
Lo
and behold, as I could see Bob for the second half in the stand,
Iain had been substituted during the interval and did not reappear.
I am not sure what this proves, but I am terribly afraid that it
might be that a higher being is masquerading as the entire Dowie
family and is in fact the ruler of the universe.
Certainly
some of Bob's language and behaviour as Boro manager was from another
planet. This all leads me to believe that all or none of the following
may be possible: Harrow Borough will team up with a big name rugby
club (probably Harrow School under-12's) and float, if that is the
right word, on the stock exchange. Should the Boro ever again win
the Ryman league (or whatever it is called on that particular week),
then QPR will regain their place in the Premiership the same season.
Should
QPR ever get back to Wembley (as in stadium, not Vale Farm), then
Boro will win the F.A Trophy in the same season. Vinny Jones will
end his days as player/coach/manager/physio of Harrow Borough. And
finally Bob Dowie, as he often seemed to think, really is a God!
(and the way he got Ian Rutherford to play the other week proves
it. He even got him to look like an alien! )
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